Stupid Fiddler, anyway . . .

My father always idolized Tevye.

Do you know Tevye? If you know Fiddler on the Roof, you know Tevye. He was the main character in the story line. He had several daughters, which he was obliged to marry off, and felt the sting of that burden quite painfully.

Therein, I suppose, lies the tie my father felt with Tevye - the whole daughter thing. 5 daughters for Tevye - 5 daughters for my poor father. What a burden. Oy!

Poor Tevye was beset with the job of arranging marriages for his daughters, he, of course, thinking (as was the tradition of the day) that they should not do so themselves. Then, of course, his silly daughters went off and fell in love on their own, as daughters are wont to do. Tevye handled it all pretty well until his daughter, Chava, whom he forbade to marry outside the Jewish faith, eloped and defied him. She was in love! What was she supposed to do???

So then she returned and begged him to accept her and her new husband. What did Tevye do? Well, he refused to acknowledge her. He turned his back on her. He pretended she was dead, and ordered the rest of his family to do the same. So her mother and everyone in the family had to ignore her, pretend she wasn't even there while she was pleading and crying and begging. They all just pretended she was dead. Can you imagine such a thing? How horrible!

In the end, Chava and her husband went off to Russia, and Tevye took the rest of the family to America.

Interesting parallels here. See how my father romanticizes himself into the Tevye role:

So it wasn't marriage, but a revelation that went against tradition that my father couldn't deal with, so he simply disowned me. I became dead to him. And not only did I become dead to him, but with his pronouncement I became dead to the entire family. I'm not saying it well. Here's exactly how it happened -

As I've said, I went to my mom and dad last year to tell them about my brother Bill molesting me when I was a little girl. I was finally ready. I needed to tell them. It was time. After some time, (I'm not really sure about the passage of time - it all became very surreal) my dad drove over the mountain by himself, sat down on my couch and delivered a carefully rehearsed speech. He told me that he did not believe me. He told me that my memory was wrong. He told me that even if it did happen, he didn't see why I needed to tell about it now, after all this time. He told me that he just couldn't believe me because of how my memory had come to me. It was all too fuzzy, or something like that - I can't remember his exact words now. No matter what I said, he just refused to even discuss it. He had made up his mind. He had chosen to believe Bill, the son who had been convicted of sex crimes that my dad had no idea of how serious they were. My brother Bill was known to be a horrible liar his whole life, and yet my dad had chosen to believe him over me.

I was crushed, dazed, confused.

We got up. I saw him to the door. I was sobbing. We were planning to move to Texas at that point, at some nebulous time in the future. My dad said something to the effect that we should go ahead and go. He said he understood Texas was a "Hellacious" place, with hurricanes in the south and tornadoes in the south. I guess he figured it was a proper hell for me to be banished to (although it seemed a nice place to me!). Maybe it was comparable to Russia to him, to further the Fiddler analogy.

So I hugged him and I was sobbing. I told him I didn't know if I would see him again, and I was clinging to him. He pushed me away and said goodbye, then walked away as he handed me off to Darrin. Darrin pulled me in the front door, and I don't remember anything else for awhile, maybe days.

See, I really loved my dad. I mean, I just idolized him. I was absolutely a daddy's girl. I hung on his every word. And then he broke my heart. A while later, I was on Skype with my mom and she was in the living room. My dad walked by and I said "Hi Dad!" He ignored me. He walked by again and I really yelled "HI DAD!!!", so there was no way he could say he didn't hear me, but he just walked right on by and pretended he didn't even hear me at all.

Eventually my family quit having anything to do with me. They shunned me altogether. I put on a brave face and pretended I quit them, but the truth is they dumped me. They all did what my dad wanted them to do. They all pulled a Fiddler on me.

I didn't hold up very well at first. I tried to kill myself - twice. Darrin wouldn't let me go, thank goodness. Darrin is so good and strong, and he pulled me through this mess. He saved my life. I thank the Lord for him every day.

So, Tevye. My dad just thinks Tevye is so great. I think Tevye is a stupid, foolish jerk who cares more about his tradition than about his own daughter.

And that is the man my father idolizes. That is the man my father has emulated.

Pathetic, sorry excuse for a father.