Random thoughts . . .

The holiday season always seems so chaotic. I have so many mixed feelings. I'm so happy - so very, very happy. And then I'm so sad and blue - not really depressed, just sad. Life is just crazy. I'm up one minute and down the next. Crazy, see?

Christmas was just lovely. There was absolutely not enough money. I don't have a family to ask help from, and Darrin's family is just not there to ask help from financially or in any other way, so we were really panicked. I was actually having such horrible panic, I was starting to develop an ulcer. Then our sweet neighbor announced to me that she and her family had "adopted" our kids for Christmas. Her son works for a local car dealership, and the dealership was going to provide Christmas for our kids. Between them all, our kids had a really neat Christmas. Everything worked out so great. I felt so humbled and blessed. We were really well taken care of, and I felt the Lord's spirit upon us in such a way that I had never felt it before.

And then, of course, I missed having extended family around. It's funny, I've quit missing the individual members of my family. I don't miss any one of them anymore. That's kind of nice. The sting is gone that way. But I do miss the idea of a family. There's a hole there, where the family gathering should be. It's lonely.

But I have my own family, and they are so amazing. They fill my life with so much joy. How could I ever ask for more?

Up and down. Chaos. Aaargh!