Auld Lang Syne

So the year, and the decade, is drawing to a close, and I am glad.

I find myself reflecting on the past year with a mixture of emotion that is somewhat overwhelming. In 2009:

I rolled a car in the mountains.
I remembered having been sexually molested by my own brother.
I was rejected by the family I grew up with.
My husband almost died.
I tried to kill myself not once, but twice.
I spent a week in a psych ward (we called it the wacky shack), trying to keep myself alive.
I passed over 100 kidney stones.

and on the flip side:

I learned through intense pain and sorrow what really matters to me.
I learned that there are a precious few people in my life who will stand by me though the fires of hell may rain down upon me and demons may threaten to swallow me with their ghastly jowls agape about me.
I learned that people I thought really cared about me just didn't care that much, and people who were relative strangers to me cared enough to be my heroes.
I learned that my husband and children are more sweet and priceless than any treasure, and rather than throw my life away in the depths of my sorrow I want to give my life to them.
I remembered that the only way to find myself is to walk with my Savior. He is my friend and my guide. He is so kind and good, and he just doesn't judge or condemn in any way. He just takes me by the hand and gently leads me along. How cool is that, anyway?

I sat in the emergency room for 6 hours last night with my husband. He fell on the ice and ended up with a concussion. I was just so worried about him. All I can do is be grateful.

At the end of the year - at the end of this really crazy and mixed up year, all I can do is be grateful. When all is said and done, even with all that has been taken from me this year, what I have to be thankful for is beautiful. When I sit down at the end of the day and look at all the amazing things that have fallen in my lap, I am in awe. The sun has set and I am content.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not tempting fate! I'm not saying 'bring it on'! I could really use a vacation! I'm just saying that life is good. That's all.

It's a wonderful life! This is a good clip, even if it is chopped off a bit at the end. I feel like George Bailey. In the end, he was still stuck in the same life with his unfulfilled dreams and the same mess to clean up, but he just had figured out that all of it was really great and he wouldn't trade it for anything. The crappy stuff really was insignificant and couldn't measure up when compared to the great stuff. It really IS a wonderful life . . .