Crazy Love

Darrin is home from a week-long conference.



I can hear her heart beat for a thousand miles
And the heavens open every time she smiles
And when I come to her thats where I belong
Yet Im running to her like a rivers song


She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love

Shes got a fine sense of humor when Im feeling low down
And when I come to her when the sun goes down
Take away my trouble, take away my grief
Take away my heartache, in the night like a thief

Yes I need her in the daytime
Yes I need her in the night
Yes I want to throw my arms around her
Kiss her hug her kiss her hug her tight

And when Im returning from so far away
She gives me some sweet lovin brighten up my day
Yes it makes me righteous, yes it makes me feel whole
Yes it makes me mellow down in to my soul

Woman in Chains

I'm trying to heal. Most days are good. Some moments are not. Yesterday was lousy - father's day. My father's betrayal probably stings the deepest. I had trusted him. Isn't a daddy supposed to have a soft heart for his little girl? I'm supposed to be his baby. I was always robbed of that. I never had that security. The older siblings always had security. They'll never know. Not only was I abused by them, but I grew up in poverty, and had that insecurity. And then my parents turned their backs on me.

For too long, I was the woman in chains. Now, I have a loving man who has helped me to believe in myself, so I could free myself. I'm still so insecure. It is hard not to want to fly back to the security of the chains.

Crazy, I know.



You better love loving and you better behave
You better love loving and you better behave
Woman in chains
Woman in chains

Calls her man the great white hope
Says she's fine, she'll always cope
Woman in chains
Woman in chains

Well i feel lying and waiting is a poor man's deal
And i feel hopelessly weighed down by your eyes of steel
It's a world gone crazy
Keeps woman in chains

Trades her soul as skin and bones
Sells the only thing she owns
Woman in chains
Woman in chains

Men of stone
Men of stone

Well i feel deep in your heart there are wounds time can't heal
And i feel somebody somewhere is trying to breathe
Well you know what i mean
It's a world gone crazy
Keeps woman in chains

It's under my skin but out of my hands
I'll tear it apart but i won't understand
I will not accept the greatness of man

It's a world gone crazy
Keeps woman in chains

So free her
So free her

Hallelujah

This is John Cale performing Leonard Cohen's song, Hallelujah. Cale sings an alternate last verse, and I really like the other ones, which are in the lyrics I've posted below.




Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this - the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah...

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah...

Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah...

There was a time you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah...

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah...

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah...

Funeral for a Friend/Love Lies Bleeding or Farewell to My Family

This is the end. I can no longer have a relationship with the family I was born into. I dedicate this song to them. This is my official memorial for the relationship I once dared to dream I had with them. It was always a farce, but I have always been a dreamer.

When I was very young, I wandered our wide expanse of acreage in the tall dry grass under the warm California sun like a wild child. I was carefree, and had no concern for any harm that might come to me until one day when my oldest brother, who is 21 years my elder, came upon me and savagely raped and sodomized me. I have no way of knowing how many times incidents like this occurred. I do know that he also forced me to pose for pornographic photos.

For 30 years I buried the pain, shame and sorrow of this secret. Through those years, my brother has made me the scapegoat of the family, the brunt of every joke, the fool. My entire family laughed along.

I rebelled. My teen years were wild and crazy, a mixture of drugs, alcohol and sex. My very existence lay bleeding before me. I took every risk. I climbed every rock without a rope, and stared every danger in the face. If death would have taken me, I would have welcomed it. I made my first attempt at suicide at the age of 13. No one answered my plea for help.

A few months ago I dared to tell the tale. There was really no surprise in the fact that my entire family has shunned me and called me a liar. My mom, who I do love so dearly, after she screamed at me and told me that I was a liar and a slut, has politely told me that I have my stories mixed up. My great brother, who has been put on a pedestal by my parents, could never have done anything like that to me, even though he has a criminal record as a sexual predator, and has been arrested numerous times for predatory sexual acts. Soon, he will meet God, and will pay for his crimes against others, and against me. I pity him, and I am working to forgive him. He is a sick, sick man - a pedophile, a lying, manipulative rapist, a disgusting piece of pond scum. I hold no regard for him, and will not mourn him when he goes to meet his maker.

Today, I spoke with my mom. I had thought that she was beginning to believe me. She was lying. It was all a farce. I won't try anymore. She won't accept the truth, and so she won't accept me. She keeps telling me she just wants me to stop talking about it. She was married at age 16, and was raised by an abusive mother. At nearly 80 years of age, she is still talking about the things her mother did to her, and yet she expects me to stop talking about the brutal rape and sodomy I received at the hand of my own brother in my tender young years. I WILL NEVER STOP! NOT UNTIL THE DAY HE DIES! THE WORLD IS NOT SAFE UNTIL MEN LIKE HIM ARE ALL GONE!

I am finished being revictimized by my family. I was raped by my brother, and am raped over and over again by my family every time they tell me I am a liar, or tell me I should be quiet about it. I will never be quiet about it again! I am done! I no longer claim any connection with the family I was born into. That was a sad, sad twist of fate or a bad choice on my part before I came to mortality. It has brought me nothing but sorrow and shame.

My life begins anew today.

From this moment, Ruth Ellen Cobabe is dead. She is no more. She was murdered, stoned to death, by the family she was born into.

Ruth Brandt, wife and mother of 3 beautiful children lives on.



The roses in the window box
Have tilted to one side
Everything about this house
Was born to grow and die

Oh it doesn't seem a year ago
To this very day
You said I'm sorry honey
If I don't change the pace
I can't face another day

And love lies bleeding in my hand
Oh it kills me to think of you with another man
I was playing rock and roll and you were just a fan
But my guitar couldn't hold you
So I split the band
Love lies bleeding in my hands

I wonder if those changes
Have left a scar on you
Like all the burning hoops of fire
That you and I passed through

You're a bluebird on a telegraph line
I hope you're happy now
Well if the wind of change comes down your way girl
You'll make it back somehow

Possessed by Love

Yesterday

David Carradine - In Memoriam

David Carradine has died. He was found hanging in his hotel room in Bangkok. This gives me more grief than I can begin to say, for a few different reasons. First, this is the method my brother chose to commit suicide. Second, I actually have a really sweet memory from my childhood of the show Kung Fu. I watched it faithfully, never missing an episode. I have always loved the ideals of fairness and defense of right that the show portrayed. Those ideals are so desperately wanting in this world we live in. Somehow, losing the actor who portrayed the character I loved just makes me ache. I always have loved David Carradine. As a person, I know he was flawed, but he seemed to have at least tried to live like that character he had portrayed - to be good and peaceful and fair. I liked him as a person. He was not like all those Hollywood plastic figures that you see today. He was real. What you saw was what you got, for better or worse. I liked that.

So, as a farewell, I'm posting his Kung Fu series premiere. YouTube only allows 10 minute segments, so it comes in 8 segments. My apologies, but if you're patient, you'll be rewarded with a gem from the past. I think it will be worth your wait. Try buffering them all at the same time on pause, and then you'll be able to watch them all in a row, without interruption.

Farewell Mr. Carradine, Kwai Chang Caine. I hope you find the peace you have sought, that peace which has eluded you. Go with God.

Afternoon Nap

Spindle-legged doggie
curled up between us
as we make our attempt
at an afternoon nap.

Comic relief.

Neighborhood din
wafting in through the window –
traffic sounds, neighborhood kids
random cursing.

I give up!

Doggie twitches, smacking lips
as I rise from the attempt,
leaving you sleeping with the dog
in our cozy, warm bed.

Eternal beloved.

Into the West

This is in ASL. You cannot hear the music, only feel it. It is so beautiful, so moving, it made me cry. I wanted to share it with you. The written words to the music are below. If you go to YouTube, and find the video, please read what the signer has written. Her message is so sweet, one of healing and love, and it will make you feel as I did, I have no doubt.



Lay down,
your sweet and weary head.
Night is falling.
You have come to journey’s end.

Sleep now, and dream
of the ones who came before.
They are calling,
from across a distant shore.

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see.
All of your fears will pass away.
Safe in my arms,
you’re only sleeping.

What can you see,
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea,
a pale moon rises.
The ships have come,
to carry you home.

And all will turn,
to silver glass.
A light on the water.
All souls pass.

Hope fades,
Into the world of night.
Through shadows falling,
Out of memory and time.

Don’t say,
We have come now to the end.
White shores are calling.
You and I will meet again.
And you’ll be here in my arms,
Just sleeping.

What can you see,
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea,
a pale moon rises.
The ships have come,
to carry you home.

And all will turn,
to silver glass.
A light on the water.
Grey ships pass
Into the West.